I love blogging, but I try my best not to complain about my life as much on here because when I see people post up there depressing stories. I usually find it annoying because i know that i could have it so much worse and at some degree we are all lucky to have what we have. But I feel that my story is a strong story and it inspires hope to people that don’t have any. Before i get hate about sharing my mothers secrets, they aren’t secrets anymore my mother works with teenage girls and speaks at juvenile and women prison about her story. She also is working on a book and has spoken in numerous churches about her failures and her triumphs. 

My story starts out with my mother, at the age of 6 her parents (my grandparents) got a divorce and she lived with her father in LA City. My biological grandfather (who i had no idea of until i was 15) was a party animal, he often was drunk or wasn’t at the house. For a 6 year old little girl living in LA city with an irresponsibly father you can imagine how dangerous that was.  When my mother was 6-7 years old her dad worked for restaurants chains owner a few small restaurants around the city, his business partner also worked with him they were both bosses. It all seems pretty normal until we get to the part were my mom’s dad’s business partner raped my mother and his own daughter. However it wasn’t just once, my mom didn’t tell her dad for years, until she was 16 years old. This was the event that lead my mom down a path of darkness, as she was kicked out of her house while her dad was drunk and physically abuses her, a little girl walking around LA city, she got into drugs and partying and even joined a witch cult. At the age of 13 she went to live with my grandmother, who told me that when she first saw my mom who left a light brunette, freckled face loving child came back a girl with shaven eyebrows and eyelashes, pale skin and black make up with dyed black hair. It took months of therapy that really didn’t get anywhere, for my mom to go back to looking how she use to, however she was still scared underneath it all (she’s shown me arm that have permanent cuts that will never go away). It wasn’t till my mom was 16 years old when she finally told my Grandmother that she was repeatedly raped by her fathers boss and other friends that came in to “baby sit her.” When she she was 13 years old, she was what she called “developed” already 5’7 with double D breasts. While walking to school a few boys from her school said they were studying to be “photographers” and wanted her to be a model for them, however what they really did was molest her and take naked photos of her. It was then on my mother felt that the only thing that was good about her was her body, that she was nothing and her body was the only thing that anyone would care about.

Other then being traumatized from rape, molestation and black mail, my mom was very poor. Thinking she was only good for her body she began stripping since she looked older then she was, this lead her to be sent to juvenile and jail constantly. She began experimenting with harder drugs when her grandmother (my great grandma ruthy) Died of cancer, her grandmother was closer to her then her own mother and was the only one that could really reach to her. By this time my Grandmother, her mother has given up on her, not wanting to deal with a teenager druggy and stripper she kicked my mom out, who then became a prostitute at the age of 18. She lived in a brothel, had a pimp and soon became one of the “head prostitutes” that would make sure all the others were in line. One day a group of men came to the brothel, one of the men wanted to my mom because he thought she was the prettiest. When they got to the room, he didn’t want to do anything he just wanted to talk to her, turns out his friends peer pressured him to come and he was uncomfortable. After that the man kept coming on a regular bases and soon my mom’s pimp allowed him to take her out on dates. However at a certain point her pimp saw that she was falling in love with the man and same with him, so he stopped them from seeing each other. A few months later she was pregnant and she knew it was the mans child. However she couldn’t  get away from her pimp who either wanted to see if the kid was his and he would let her keep it, but if it wasn’t he wanted to sell it.  On the day she was giving birth she called her mom who came to the hospital, there she told my mom about the pimp and my grandmother told the hospital security to not let him anywhere near the baby. After she gave birth to the child, they let her hold her baby for awhile and then took it away because it needed to be put through certain procedures because it was born addicted to drugs. They contacted the man that my mother felt was the real father and they did a blood test which matched up. After that she went back to the brothel with no baby, just herself, her mother left to go back home leaving her daughter. 2 years later the man that was the father asked if she wanted to see her daughter and she yes, but it was only for one day and she had to go back to her life. From that day my mother tried to get sober, she entered into different rehab centers trying to get sober but just couldn’t. In the course she met a Marine and became pregnant with her second child. She having every intention on keeping it,  put it into foster care while she tried to get sober. The father had left for the marines without knowing about the baby and was never heard from again. However the set of Foster parents fell in love with her 2nd child and had child services try and convince her to give her child up for adoption. They mentally abused her and told her that no matter what she did she would never get sober and she would never be a good parent and that she had any sense and real love she would give her 2nd child up…so she did. After 3 years she finally reached her goal of becoming sober, however after going to her mother and asking her if she could see her kids now since she was sober. Her mother said no, not trusting her enough. After 2 more years of being sober and trying to convince her mother to let her see her kids but being rejected, she gave up and turned back to drugs and alcohol. One day while walking barefoot with a couple drug dealers she walked on wooden logs. It was there a brown recluse spider jumped up and bite her in the ankle. Rushed to the hospital and almost loosing her foot, she told me it was at that point she realized “what am i doing.” She called her Cousin who lived in Washington DC and asked her for help, her cousin asked her “do you want to get your life straight because i will help you but you need to really want this” she said yes and went to D.C. where she worked as a florist at her cousins floral shop. She made a slip up and ended up going to another rehab center, there she met a man who was also in the rehab center at the church. She fell in love with him and got pregnant again, however this time she knew she could make it with out the drugs. She received numerous calls from her family telling her to give up a child, to get an abortion but she said no she was going to do something right in her life. The baby was born with heart cancer, but survived the surgery with a heart pacer to keep its heart beating. From there it was finally a staircase walk up, she finally got to meet her first born child by giving a letter to her aunt who gave it to the man she first fell in love with. He called her and she finally got to speak to her first born child (which is me). 4 years later she bought her first home after working 3 jobs at the same time, while taking care of her 3rd baby girl alone for the 3rd baby’s father decided he didn’t want to take responsibility as a father.

Shauna Schaidt is her name, it took her 20 years to become sober after 20 years of sexual and physical abuse. She is 40 years old now and finally living a normal life with her daughters. As of right now me her and Jada (the 3rd child) keep in touch daily. We still deal with problems of abandonment, jealousy, loneliness and depression. That and Sabrina (2nd daughter) is going through difficult time living with her adoptive parents and adoptive brothers and sisters and now making my mothers same exact mistakes. 

However we take each day, day by day and try our best to be happy. My mother tells me that when she looks back at her life she see’s a totally different person and sometimes can’t even believe she was that. Life is beautiful and it has its up and downs. Life is a roller coaster it goes up and down, sometimes not at an even pace. Sometimes it seems as if it constantly keeps going done hill, however you need to realize that that roller coaster ride, has to come up.